In spy circles, the term “going dark” implies a complete lack of communication or presence. Seeing that it’s been almost a month since my last post on here I suppose my absence could be construed as “going dark.” Truth is, over the course of the last few posts, I found that my mind, my wellspring of interesting spiritual insights from an everyday guy’s perspective, was “going dark.” Despite a conscious effort to approach each entry prayerfully, open to what God might want to say through this medium, I just wasn’t feeling it.
I have to confess that I started this blog partially as a means to create an outlet for people to discover my writing, hopefully prompting them to buy my novel(s) (I put the parenthetical “s” on there in the hope that someday I’ll get back to working on some of the many story ideas that percolate in my head. Right now that’s also on hold.) I also started this exercise as a way to keep my writing sharp through consistency, and finally, I always have been curious what it’s like to be a newspaper columnist and blogging is probably about the closest an average Joe can get to that type of writing experience. So although I have made maximum effort to glorify the Lord in this space, the undertaking was something I jumped into without really seeking His guidance first.
More practically, let’s face it, summer is coming, it’s staying lighter longer, the weather’s getting nicer, and sitting down to write isn’t as high on the potential activity list as it is in say, mid-January. So in many ways I’m not totally surprised that it’s been difficult to keep up with this blog over the long haul. If the Lord doesn’t build the house, in vain the builders labor. I hope that the material on here speaks God’s truth the way that He wanted me to. As hard as I try to, I still find it difficult to be prayerful and contemplative before leaping into one activity or another. I also find the voice of our Lord very difficult to hear.
The last few months have been a time of self-discovery, as well as a time of God bringing me back to earth. When I first published Winns and Losses, I immediately thought “Okay, here we go. God’s true pupose for my life is finally coming to pass. I’m finally going to get my writing out there, sell a ton of copies, and be able to write for a living. Yay for me.” Needless to say, it didn’t quite happen that way. Shortly after publishing, I also started to ravenously digest a bunch of author discussion boards and such, all about how to market your writing. I really wanted to put myself on the J.K. Rowling, but in the realm of Christian fiction, fast track. I was sick of going into the office, sick of doing anything for a living that wasn’t being a novelist and a writer. My attitude was messed up.
Four months since publishing, I sit here having sold a whopping nine copies. I don’t check my Amazon and Smashwords sales reports like clockwork anymore. I haven’t written much of anything lately (that’s pretty much what I’ve been saying, hasn’t it?) Briefly that might have been out of a sense of “What’s the point?” As time’s gone on, though, I’ve discovered that I had lost sight of all the non-writing things in my life that give it balance.
Too often I tend to look at God’s plan for my life as a destination. Like at some point the veil will be lifted and He’ll show me, “Here’s what I put you on this earth to do.” In this time of “going dark” as a blogger/writer/novelist/wannabe, He’s shown me that His plan for my life is far from a single destination. It’s the daily journey of being a husband/dad/son/friend/technology consultant/volunteer high school football coach/golf enthusiast/Star Wars fan…you get the picture.
God’s will is in the moment. His calling and what we do to pay the bills may cross paths or they may not. That’s for Him to decide. Our mission is simple. Live the life that He’s put in front of us to live. For me, part of that means writing when He leads me toward writing, and going dark when He’s got better things for me to do.
Thanks for sticking with me on here. I’ll be around.